What makes men marry

Still, there is no one-to-one correlation. For example, when a man goes to law school, which takes three additional years, he usually starts considering marriage around age 27 or The single men we interviewed explained that when they get out of school and get a job and start making money, new possibilities open to them.

For the first time, a majority of them have some independence. All of a sudden, they have a nice car and an apartment and an income. Many look at time spent as a carefree bachelor as a rite of passage. If a woman is seriously trying to find a husband, she should date men who have reached the age of commitment. Even among men who are positively inclined toward marriage and are from identical educational and socioeconomic backgrounds, 20 percent will reach the age of commitment a year or more before our estimates, while another 20 percent will only consider marriage as a real option two to four years later.

This is usually an arrangement agreed to by the man but devised by the woman. When we conducted a focus group with 12 men who had just proposed to women, we learned that men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene. Our original intent was to determine how men at different ages reacted to single women they met at social gatherings. We started by asking the men about their lives before they met their future wives.

How often and whom had they dated, where had they met the women, had they gone to singles places and, if so, how often? The first thing that struck us was that about a third of them said that for six months to two years before they met their brides-to-be, they were not dating or going to singles places as often as they had been just a few years earlier. They had not stopped dating.

Picking up women was no longer their main reason for going out. They told us the singles scene was not as much fun as it used to be. Four of them used one phrase or the other, and ten of twelve men in our focus group said they felt the same way: The singles scene had lost some of its appeal.

Many men reluctantly admitted that for more than a year, they had felt uncomfortable in the singles world where they had been hanging out for the past five years. The singles world for professionals obviously is an older and more sophisticated crowd than that for men whose formal education ended in high school, but eventually men from both groups had the same experience. Three young men who had graduated from the same high school were in one focus group made up of men who were about to marry.

One was a plumber, one worked repairing computers, and the third was a store manager. Each said he had begun to feel uncomfortable in his favorite singles place about two years earlier. For two of them, their singles place was a bar and pool hall where they and their single friends hung out and met women. The third man was a very active member of a large Baptist church. For him, the singles scene was church meetings and church singles functions. Interestingly, he and the fellows who frequented bars and pool halls made the same comment.

One said that the singles bar he used to visit was filled with teenyboppers, and he felt out of place. They had simply gotten too old for the crowd. It surprised us when they reported feelings identical to those of the younger high-school-educated men.

The places the professional single men went drew an older crowd. Among the professionals, the youngest women were college graduates and probably at least Professional men-unlike the younger men who had only completed high school-were perfectly at ease in their favorite singles places well into their thirties.

Still, 30 percent of the single men with a postgraduate education said that as they approached thirty, they began to feel they no longer fit into their singles scene. There were two notable exceptions to the age guidelines: men who were balding or heavy. A year-old man who was almost completely bald explained that he had felt uncomfortable in the singles scene after he had approached a young woman in a singles bar and asked if he could buy her a drink.

Her response was to tell him, loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear, that it would be a good idea if he went home and kissed his wife and played with his kids. When he protested, she became sarcastic. He could see he was losing the argument not only with her but with the entire bar. He walked out and never went back. It is not how old they are that makes men uncomfortable, it is how old they feel, or how old others make them feel.

An attorney, he told us he had been going to a restaurant for three years on Friday nights. It was a hangout for attorneys, judges, and others who worked in the court system. Joe explained that the restaurant was usually full, and on Friday nights the bar area was crowded with young singles, while most of those seated at tables were older and married. When he showed up one Friday night, there was a new hostess seating people. Joe was too embarrassed to contradict her, and he realized she was right — he no longer belonged at the bar.

It was a series of small incidents over a period of time that turned them off-usually comments made by one or more young women that made them realize they no longer fit into the place they had frequented for years. One of the focus groups composed of men about to marry said that if a woman wants to know whether a man is ready to get married, she should ask him how much he enjoys the singles scene.

Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically. Men who have been married before are open to remarry much later in life. They have entirely different relationships with women. If a woman in her forties or older who has never been married is dating a man who has never been married, the chance of him marrying is still good. But at that time in her life, most eligible men are either widowed or divorced, and their chances of marrying again are substantially higher than those of men of the same age who have never married.

In other words, if a woman meets two men in their late forties, one who has been married and the other a lifelong bachelor, she should choose the one who has been married before. A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment.

Evaluate yourself regularly to ensure you are improving and are moving forward internally and externally. Prove you are committed — S tay with him mentally, physically, and intimately no matter what. He wants someone who can challenge him in all kinds of ways, such as challenging him to change or be better, challenging him to keep your interest etc… This keeps him glued to you, instead of having him interested in other women.

Be sexually pleasing — Sex can become pretty boring, especially if you always do the same things over and over…which is a HUGE problem, because intimacy is important in a long-term relationship.

Remember that honesty is accepted, and even if it hurts its temporary…but lies are REJECTED, and is permanent pain, because they take away his trust in you. Let him know that he fulfills you NOW — Men worry about whether or not they will be able to support you, keep you happy, sustain interest etc… which is why they avoid marriage and avoid the commitment topic. All Rights Reserved. The Loverman Show. It can be a thin line between helping your man with a big decision and simply telling him what to do.

This might have to do with a career path, financial opportunities, or how to care for his elderly parents. When you help him weigh out the pros and cons, discuss the effects of each decision, and ultimately act as a sounding board, you are acting as a partner in life. You can prove to your significant other that you can be a partner, and he is proving to you that he trusts you in helping to make big decisions.

Both of which indicate a future marriage. Although physical beauty is often something that attracts a man to a woman, he must also be attracted to other aspects: her personality, her heart, and the things that she finds important in life.

Aging means that we won't all look the same years down the line as we did when we first met our spouses. If the physical beauty fades, there must be something else there that he is attracted to. If he compliments something about you other than your physical attributes regularly, he may have found something that he can love for years beyond beauty. Listen for comments regarding your brain, humor, or kind nature.

Being a man's support system is a big part of being his wife. If you remind him of the reasons he can accomplish his goals and be his cheerleader, you will be more likely to be considered wife material.

Men, like all human beings, want someone that can lift them, not tear them down. Be positive and encouraging. You might be active in showing him why he wanted to accomplish a particular goal or encourage him with past achievements.

If he sees you in this way regularly, he could be reaching for a ring to keep that positivity around! When he is feeling down, you know how to cheer him up. You know things that he would like that he has never experienced before.

It is easy to introduce him to new music that he loves, expose him to a fun activity that he would never have tried prior, or know how he would respond to a surprise party. A potential wife would also treat his vulnerabilities in a way that makes him feel secure. If he can be vulnerable around you and allows you to know him completely, he may be indicating that he sees you as a future wife.

With everything that smartphones are capable of these days, those around us are so much missed. By putting your phone, tablet, or any other distraction away and paying attention to him regularly, you show him that you will give him the time of day to talk about anything, deepen your relationship, and stay strong as a couple.

This does not mean that you must never have time to indulge in your distraction, but that you should make it apparent that he is the priority. If he does the same, he feels that you are important. Being important enough to ignore outside distractions is a hint to bigger things in the future. No one enjoys being anxious about where their significant other is and who they are with.

While some people might be naturally anxiety-ridden or have had bad past experiences that have caused this, it is important to trust the relationship. When both partners are worthy of trust, he feels more comfortable marrying you.

This is because not only does he trust you, but you aren't questioning his every move and asking questions about each of the females he works with.